Where We've Been - Part One August 14 2018
This is a very hard post to write because I want to be fully truthful which means being completely open and vulnerable as well. As we all know, being vulnerable is difficult. However, this last attempt at achieving my vision for Sunrise Girl is so much more important to me than the difficulty of facing that challenge. I believe that at this point, it's the only way forward.
Before I started Sunrise Girl, I was stuck on how to present myself as a business. Do I use "the royal we" in my writing despite the fact that there was really no "we", only me? When I wrote website copy, on social media, or anywhere public, I thought I needed to give the illusion of total confidence. Who would want to buy shirts from someone who didn't know what they were doing!?
When talking privately to people, I was happy to admit I was learning as I went and was always open to advice. But to potential customers, I thought I needed to always appear in control and hide my mistakes. Needless to say, this was very stressful. And mistakes? There were plenty!
Still, things were moving along reasonably well for my fledgling online business.
Then I got the news of the death of an immediate family member that turned my world upside-down. It's been a long and rocky road from that moment until now. As anyone who has lost a loved one knows, there's no going back to "normal" or the way things were before. In addition to not having any desire to sell shirts during that time, I also lost any confidence that I could. Why did I ever think I could ever run a successful business?
See, I also fight an ongoing battle with depression. (I would really like to skip over this part but I have committed to truth and vulnerability and I believe mental health issues need to be more openly discussed.) It's a battle that never truly ends and it reared its ugly head with a vengeance during that time.
So for the past two years Sunrise Girl has been frozen, its fate in stuck limbo. Whenever I thought about what to do next, closing down the business seemed like the logical thing to do. When I thought about doing that, I felt like a giant failure.
Next, what's ahead...